I'm the new zookeeper. It turns out there is a rather unusual hazing ritual for new keepers at this zoo. I am about to go into the lion's den and get fucked by the King of the beasts.
“Hey Lisa, why don’t you go in and pet Leo. It’s quite safe we assure you, no harm will come of you.”
I was the newest zookeeper at the zoo. I had been warned that there were unusual hazing rituals for new zoo keepers at this zoo and that I should be on my guard. But I had expected getting a bucket of cold water over my head or something. I had not expected to go-literally-into the lion’s den.
“I...I don’t think I can…”
“Fuck that”, said Tim the head zookeeper, swigging back a beer. It was late at night at the zoo and we were the only ones here, partying it up as zookeepers like to do. I looked over at Leo, the King of the beasts, lying peacefully in the grass, his den lit up by floodlights. Perhaps it wasn’t so dangerous.
“You are not one of us until you have went in there and petted Leo”, Tim continued. “Don’t worry, we’ve all done it and come away unharmed. He loves you stroking his mane, think of him as a big house cat. C�
��mon, drink up and get in there.”
I had to do it. I had wanted this job all my life. I could not say no if I wanted to be one of them. I took one more drink of beer for some Dutch courage, and steeled myself as the door to the den was opened. I strode on in.
I was shaking as I approached Leo. His perked up in curiosity. ‘Who dares enter my kingdom?’ I imagined that was what he was thinking. He got to his feet, swishing his tale, I felt my stomach do somersaults. I wanted to run, I sensed something was not quite right.
“Keep going, keep going”, shouted the others.
Against my better instincts, I kept putting one foot in front of the other-and then I froze. Leo opened his huge mouth and unleashed an ungodly roar to the heavens that must have been heard miles away, and then he charged. I felt like an antelope on the Serengeti, except my feet would not move.