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“If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully gather in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold thy peace.”
My about to be father in law had just cause. According to him I did not give to his daughter good enough, and now he was going to show me how it ought to be done...
“Well the thing is Pete, women talk and let's just say I've overheard a few conversations between my daughter and her friends. Let me be frank, the word is you do not fuck her good enough, your dick isn't big enough, you have not made her come once during the entire time you've been seeing each other, and that you've never even gone down on her. Is all this true?”
I knew some of it was, but I didn't want to say so I out loud. I couldn't humiliate myself. But then the priest caught my eye.
“There shall be no lies in the house of the Lord my son, please answer this man’s question truthfully.”
I looked to Mary. She had her head bowed in embarrassment.
“Is this true Mary? Have you been telling your friends about me?”
“Yes”, she said still looking down. “It’s all true. Your cock is tiny, you can’t fuck me properly, I’ve faked all my orgasms and you’ve never gone down on me.”
Her words hit me like a truck. I didn�
�t know what to say.
And then Jerry stepped forward.
“While we are all being honest here, I have a confession to make. I have an ulterior motive. My own daughter gives me a hard-on. In fact, just last night I jerked off to her profile picture and I cannot stand the idea of her being with another man.” I could not help but notice Jerry had a prominent bulge at the front of his trousers.
