C is for Cream

by Bessie Hucow

Jill needed cream. Badly.


Her business was floundering and - with the help of her friend - decided to make her own. What she didn’t know was that her friend had made a deal with a shady cowboy to “convince” her to sign over her business. This cowboy is all too happy to take Jill as his new Hucow for a cut of the profits.

Will Jill find out that her best friend betrayed her? Will it be too late?


"I just don't see how I'm going to be able to make rent this month," Jill said, exasperated as she talked with her best friend, Marcy, about her situation. "I mean, I can make the fudge just fine, but it seems like getting the cream for it is getting more and more expensive and eating into my profits." She drummed her finger on the diner table.

Her friend studied her face for several moments before speaking, lowering her voice as she did. "Why don't you make your own cream?"

Jill scoffed and looked at her like she just grew a second head. "What are you talking about? I don't have my own cow and I definitely don't have enough money to get one."

The conversation was paused as the waitress brought their dessert. Once she had left, her friend explained. "No, no, you don't need your own cow. You become the cow."

Jill was about to say a snarky comment, but her friend cut her off.


Marcy leaned forward and whispered, "a few months ago I remember being offered some new drug at the rave. I declined, but when I got home I looked it up."

"Yeah, but what does this have to do with the cow?" Jill said as she dug into her pecan pie.

"I'm getting to that. After some study on the dark Web, I learned that it was a Hucow pill," she explained.

Jill's eyes went wide. "What the hell is a Hucow? And more importantly, can this help me pay my bills?"

Her friend smiled. "Lucky for you, I had the same question. A Hucow, is short for human cow." She ignored Jill's incredulous look. "Look, I know it sounds kooky. But trust me when I say that this could be the solution to all of your problems."

"A Hucow, huh?" She mulled the word over in her mind. "Tell me more about this Hucow business."

Her friend explained to her that by taking a pill, she could turn herself into a half human, half cow. She wouldn't look like a cow, except for having very large breasts – which most women wouldn't mind – and there were a few other side effects, but they were different from woman to woman.

"Don't you see? You could turn yourself into a Hucow and solve your cream problem by making your own. Who knows, maybe Hucow milk goes for more on the market."

Jill was silent for several minutes as she finished off her pie. "So who on earth buys a half cow's milk? Surely this isn't something that you could just sell at the local grocery store." She lowered her voice, "and is it illegal?"

Her friend shook her head. "From what I could tell it's not. As to who buys it, I think it's mainly sports stars yeah Marcy and Hucow enthusiasts. But they pay a large markup."

Jill looked up at her friend hopefully. "You really think this would help my fudge business?"


About the Author

Bessie Hucow is a cow. She likes doing cow things such as mooing and eating grass. She also likes to write very dirty stories. How does a cow write dirty stories? Simple, she nicked a computer and brought it into her barn where she writes under lamplight in the middle of the night when all her humans think she's asleep.

Why? To bring you the very best stories that a cow can write.

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